Whether ’tis nobler to gender-ify the remaining 22 weeks of pregnancy or not…  I don’t think there’s a right answer.

A woman I work with – an ops kinda girl – said that despite her clear aura of process-planning-neonazism, she decided to wait to find out with her husband.  Her reply to the question of “why?” was unfortunately trite, saying with her typical grimace that she “was planning for the fact that you can’t plan anything for a baby.”  I guess I should congratulate her for her foresight and broad, albeit pessimistic view of parenthood, but I simply can’t give this woman the benefit of the doubt.

The truth is I find it hard to throw caution to the wind and be a take-it-as-it-comes kind of guy, at least when it comes to this prenancy and parenthood thing.  Call it the Boy Scout in me (“Be Prepared!” still rings in my ears), but I want to have the right clothes, a nursery decked to the nines, advice from parents with like-gendered children, and as much knowledge as I can possibly have about that baby well BEFORE it gets here, so that instead of having to hurry to get my ass in gear with what the baby needs, I can enjoy a paternity leave focused solely on getting to know and loving on my little one.

Now, there are some who want to do it all for their child as well, and are plenty prepared, but are more conservative or more whimsical with the gender issue.  Folks that are as level-headed as it gets, but want to bathe in every surprising joy of parenthood – and that includes being surprised about the gender.  I think that’s great.  For many people this is an exciting gift that mom and dad can share together.  I’ve known some who have had the ultrasound tech write the gender on a card and seal it in an envelope.  The couple then opens it at a later date.  A boss of mine opened the envelope with his wife on Christmas – making it a one-of-a-kind gift.

I think it boils down to preference.  There are certainly pros and cons to both approaches.  I think that individuals who are deeply conservative or largely eccentric are prone to the surprise-method, while the more liberal and urban parents tend to prep for their child by finding out the gender so that can get that Peg Perego car seat in pink if the gender so lends itself.  Again, no wrong way here and regionality could certainly play into it – just noting observations from a southern Carolina RookieDad.

Ultimately, come to the decision as a couple, weigh the pros and cons and get excited about it – if you do that, you can’t go wrong.  Whether you prolong the excitement or jump right in – that’s up to you and your bride.  This RookieDad found out…and there will be pink in my future and the dreaded hell of having dufus, hormonal pre-pubescent boys trying to date my little girl.  I’ll just need to perfect my deadpan-face-conversing-in-aggressive-grunts-while-cleaning-a-shotgun routine.  Wish me luck.  And good luck to you!  Whether it’s a boy or girl, and whether you find out or not, it’ll be a hell of a ride and an exciting time regardless - something you’ll want to soak in as much as possible.  Enjoy, RookieDads.  I know I am…

-RookieDad Sean

The RookieDad’s Guide to Pregnancy Hormones:

Of the many physiological changes occuring in your wife’s body at the moment, changes in pregnancy hormones can evoke some of the most strange behavior from your normally calm, cool, and collected bride.  My wonderful wife sent me the following cartoon below after having a “moment” the previous night when she discovered I had bought three new (and probably unneeded – yes, honey, I’ll give you that) spices for my overflowing spice cabinet.  In my wife’s defense, there were a number of things that built up to it including dropping some can goods that I left on the landing at the back door when she got home from work – I brought in the rest of the groceries but forgot that bag.  Ug….  “But it must be the pregnancy hormones,” she told me through tears that came on as quickly as a raging Carribean tropical storm in September.

As a loving and adoring husband, you may have difficulty in recognizing the hormone-evoked response from the usual response.  Hence, you may find it difficult to reconcile your wife’s outward reactions.  From what I’ve been told from one of our friends, “you know how we get mood swings around our periods?  Pregnancy hormone mood swings are like PMS on crack.”

• LH (Luteinizing Hormone):  Partnered with FSH, these guys manage the mentrual cycle which drops an egg and sheds it if it doesn’t become fertilized upon ovulation.
• FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone):  Partner of LH.  Essentially this puppy hits the ovary’s egg-bearing follicle and stimulates it to make estrogen (see below)
• Estrogen: Early in the game, it shuts off the flow of FSH, and orders a mega-blast of LH which hits the follicle, bursts it open, allowing the egg to begin it’s descent.  It also is the foreman for progesterone and hCG as the baby develops.  The placenta will start pumping out estrogen once it’s fully developed in the 2nd trimester.  High levels of estrogen can cause blotchiness or rashing.  The ruddy result in the cheeks is often described as the “Pregnancy Glow.”  We want this hormone going, because it’s what keeps our babies from being androgenous and creates the sex organs you excitedly – or not – look for around week 18.
• Progesterone:  The hormone generated by the now split-open follicle (aka corpus luteum aka yellow body) ripens the uterus for future baby inhabitants and turns off the LH spicket.  It maintains the functions of the placenta (how your baby gets it’s nutrients), and keeps the uterus from contracting.  Later in the 2nd trimester, the placenta takes over production of progesterone.  Love the progesterone.  It is what promotes breast tissue growth and causes your wife to bust out of skimpy tops if you are lucky enough to get her in one.  Also, you can think of progesterone as a bouncer with an apron.  It keeps the uterus and placenta in order and beats off cells near the womb and baby that could hurt either one.  This puppy – as good as it is – causes your wife’s constipation and heartburn.  Likely contributors to her general aggrevation and state of discomfort which, as you can imagine, contributes to an emotional “moment” from time to time.
• hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin): The main culprit.  It is what you are looking for during a pregnancy test that throws the pink line or “+YES.”  This bugger (said lovingly) is made by the cells in the placenta (newly forming just days after conception).  These guys hit the corpus luteum back up in the ovary and get the estrogen/progesterone train going again.  Morning sickness – yep, that’s hCG.  The surge of hCG in the 1st trimester contributes to the queasy-nauseous-don’t-touch-me-or-I’ll-puke feeling.  It also is the cause of the tennis-match-like runs to the potty to pee.  In addition, this lovely bugger suppresses the immune system causing your precious wife to begin sniffling and sneezing if she’s within city limits of a person with a cold.  Be thankful though, this suppressed immune response is so that her body doesn’t see the baby as an alien bug and reject it.  So dab at her snotty nose lovingly.

Alone these guys can do a number on a woman’s system, in concert they effect her in all the ways you’ve probably already seen.  Her increased metabolism due to the baby’s need for nutrients along with these hormones forces down both blood pressure and blood sugar.  The result is your constantly pooped wife in the 1st trimester.  Overall these five play with other strong hormones and chemicals to cause any number of physiological effects not all 100% understood by the medical community according to paternityangel.com.  Some other fun players in the starting line-up include:

• HCS (Human Chorionic Somatomammotropin) aka HPL (Human Placental Lactogen): Produced in the placenta and managed by estrogen.  Helps the breasts develop the capability to feed your baby.
• Calcitonin: Manages the baby’s bone development
• Thyroxin: Manages the baby’s nervous system development, absorption of oxygen and general growth.
• Insulin: Manages the baby’s food storage and glucose levels in both mommy and fetus.
• Relaxin: Causes the pelvic muscles to, well, relax.  Is the main culprit for her hips hurting.
• Oxytocin: Generated through nipple stimulation (that’s right.  I said it.) and cervix stretching.  It is what makes the uterus contract to shove the baby out and stimulates those bra-busting monsters to generate milk.  Progesterone and Estrogen continue to climb for the 38 weeks leading to pregnancy.  Just before pregnancy, they drop dramatically.  That’s this guy’s cue to go into the game.
• Erythropoietin: Manages blood and marrow development in the baby’s body.
• Cortisol: Takes those nutrients your wife is taking in and helps the baby use them.
• Prolactin: Helps immune system development, and also plays a cameo role in the baby’s growth as well as preparing your wife’s breasts for milk-production.

At week 7, I think we saw the heartbeat. I say “saw” because the embryo was far too small to use a typical listening device (i.e. Doppler) to heat the heartbeat.

What precipitated the visit was bleeding and slight cramping. At this point, we had switched doctors three times – moving from a midwife, to the head of the practice, to a newer doctor who we fell in love with at this very same visit. We’ll call her Dr. F.

That Sunday evening, when my wife had some spotting that showed up on toilet paper and in her underwear, we called the emergency nurse line to ask about it. We were told that it was most likely nothing, but to schedule appointment immediately.

I was concerned that H. (my wife) had done too much activity over the weekend. I immediately ordered her to cease and desist all activity and TAKE IT EASY. Believe you me, that appointment couldn’t come soon enough.

We luckily got into the doctor – a new doctor – the next day. She had a wry wit and a very no-nonsense air about her, but she was young and inspired confidence.  She was exactly what we needed. Dr. F. ordered a vaginal ultrasound.

As a tech broke out something that looked very much like a small boom mic – which she officially termed a “wand,” H. and I held our breath. What came up on the screen didn’t exactly look like baby – more like a wee-beety alien Quasimodo (we later found out the hump was the “yolk sak”). In the center of the image of the mini-martian on the screen was a pixelated flutter in the center of the thing. It was a heart beat.

Though statistics arguably vary due to when the heartbeat is discovered, one statistic notes that the rate of miscarriage during the first trimester (first 12-14 weeks) drastically reduces – by ~70% – once a strong heart beat is heard. Our little martian had a 170+ beat-per-minute heart rate. Strong. Very strong.

H. choked down tears, not sure if crying was permitted in the exam room (we are just so new to this). Me? I just held my wife’s hand and tried to wrench my mouth closed from the wide-open, lock-jaw position it had been in for the last fifteen minutes.

As H. and I continued to stare at the screen, the tech printed the first picture we’d have of our baby.

Baby McG at 7 weeks, 4 days

A very common occurance, what H. and I had experienced was implantation bleeding.  As the ovum (the egg cell – the largest cell in the female human body) begins its decent from the fallopian tubes to the uterus, it plant itselt into the uterine wall where it will develop along with its placenta.  This nestling into the uterine wall creates some rupture of blood vessels as the egg works its way into the wall of the womb.  The blood eventually works its way out.  In our case, it worked it’s way out seven weeks and 3 days after implantation onto H.’s underwear and toilet paper.  Happily, we now know that implantation bleeding is one of the only times bleeding is welcomed in pregnancy.  It means the young baby has snuggled into the womb and has found itself a warm, welcome home to begin growth and development.  It’s a good thing, people.

I guess the point of the story for us was that pregnancy marks a very weird, wild time for the female body.  All kinds of crazy stuff is happening in there.  If something seems wrong, off kilter, or just unusual, DO NOT FREAK OUT.  The stress is bad for the mommy, baby and daddy (and dogs, cats, other family members, friends, etc.).  Just calmly call the doctor and get in there to check it out.  Some worry is natural; just try to keep it all in perspective.  The doctor can tell you if it’s something to stress about.  Try not to stress before you need to.

________________________________________________________

(P.S. - We actually heard the heartbeat two weeks after this… )

Baby’s Heartbeat at 9 Weeks

-RookieDad Sean

This page ought to be called: “RookieDad’s guide to the weird and wild!” So we all took anatomy/biology at some point in our lives and are pretty familiar with the sexual anatomy of the average male and female, but brother, I had no idea how very much is involved in the business of creating life. This page is dedicated to the edification of the average and typically unenlightened rookiedad in the ways of baby development, the bits and pieces of the female internal gynecological anatomy, and the physiology of baby-making (mostly what happens in the 38 weeks after you turn the lights on and stop the Marvin Gaye CD).

-RookieDad Sean