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Friends, I’m back from a short hiatus where I was busy researching and registering, and enjoying the news that my amorphous, asexual kidney bean in week 5 will be coming out a baby girl in week 38.  Now I’ve got tons of research, advice, and tips to share including a big responsibility for husbands – the hospital kit.   Based on advice from several books, blogs, and sites, I’ve compiled a list you can use to pack that bag well before your due date (highly advisable if your baby comes early) and have it ready to go for the big event.

In no specific order:

• Cosmetic Bag with:
  • Hair band – No, not a circa 80′s rock group.  Sweaty hair in your wife’s face while she’s pushing – giving it all she’s got captain (said like a portly Scottsman) - will quickly frustrate and aggravate her - this helps alleviate some of that.
  • Lip gloss or balm – Your wife – regardless of C-section or natural, length of labor, or size (or number) of baby – will through sweat and the natural birthing process, lose an immense amount of body water.  In short, she’s going to become dehydrated.  Aside from putting the attending nurse on speed-dial to keep ice chips readily on hand for your precious wife to suck on, your honey-girl is going to find her lips extremely dry and most likely chapped.  This is a thoughtful addition to the cosmetic bag that will help with that.
  • Toothbrush and toothpaste – Sure, you can most likely buy this at an extremely ridiculous mark-up from the hospital, but you can save money and guarantee the toothpaste flavor she’ll like by bringing hers.  Have this ready to go by getting an extra toothbrush and a travel tube of her favorite toothpaste and going ahead and packing it now.
  • Moist facial wipes – She’ll appreciate it after sweating through labor and not having the energy to get up and wash her face.
  • Face soap, lotion, shampoo, hairbrush and make-up – She will have the energy to bathe eventually (and will find it very refreshing).  In addition, you will invariably have visitors.  At the very least, she’ll want to look and smell presentable when you both leave the hospital with the baby.  So pack travel versions of this as well as any extra make-up essentials – she can guide you on this.
  • Stool softeners- Yep.  She’ll be constipated – it happens to a very large percentage of women after delivering a baby.  Help her out and get her some of these – Colace is a safe and recommended brand for the new mama.
  • Pain medicine for her take afterwards- She completed a marathon labor pushing something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon.  Even if she gritted her teeth and did it au naturale, the no-drugs, straight-edge mentality doesn’t have to persist after she’s given birth.  She’ll be very sore.  Make sure you have some Extra-strength Tylenol or something comparable for her.
  • Hemorrhoid wipes/cream- Much like constipation, most new mothers will experience hemorrhoids due to both the consistency of their stool and the amount of pushing they do.  These will help her out.  Hedge your bets by going ahead and getting this for her just in case.
  • Enema to take prior to giving birth – A not-well-publicized fact is that many women end up pushing out more than a baby while on the delivery room table.  She’ll be pushing hard; I mean hard.  If she’s got anything in her bowels, it’ll come out.  If you are videotaping the delivery, or even if she’s easily embarrassed, you may have her take this to clean her out before the time for pushing starts.  One decent tasting and 100% medically safe means of accomplishing the same thing is mixing prune juice with another fruit juice like pear juice.  It’s mildly palatable according to Modern Mother’s Guide and does the trick.
  • Small Spray Bottle – I mentioned she’s going to be dehydrated.  When that happens, urine becomes highly concentrated.  With the typical tearing that occurs with giving birth, urination under these circumstances can be very painful.  Dilute her first urination post birth by filling a small spray bottle with water and have her spray her girl parts when she pees.  It’ll reduce the burn that’s caused by the concentrated uric acid.
  • A nursing bra, Lansinoh cream and Soothies – She’s going to find that all sorts of discomforts can accompany breastfeeding.  Pack some of these to help her out.
• Sock/Slippers – The hospital won’t be providing these and she’ll want them to shuffle to the bathroom as well as keep her feet warm.
• Distractions- You know best what these are – but keep them to a packable size.  Bringing the PlayStation along to the hospital isn’t the most sensible choice.  Try Sudoku puzzles, an iPod, magazines – the sensationalist trashy kind, a laptop to surf the web as well as play DVDs, and clearly any DVDs you might want to bring along.  Me?  I’ll be bringing Baby Mama and Knocked Up- two of my wife’s favorite Judd Apetow films.
• Ipod and Speakers- This is both for after delivery as well as during labor.  A great activity for the weeks before your baby is due is to put together a playlist with your wife for the delivery room.
• Camera/Video Camera – You’ll want to capture these moments.  So will she.
• Toss-away nightgown – She may be fine with using the hospital-provided gown, but having her own nightgown might be a comfort for your wife.  Keep in mind that if she’s wearing it on the delivery room table, she won’t want to take it home with her.  It will be a complete mess and should be thrown away.  Ask your wife if this is something she wants to do, and if so find out her favorite brand and get one for her.  Be sure to get it decently long, soft and roomy.
• Stopwatch – OK, so this is more for you than it is her.  Go by your local sporting goods store and pick up a stopwatch.  Or if you’d rather, a watch with a second-hand will suffice.  You’ll need this to time contractions.  Just think, though – you can use it for helping train your little track or football star when he or she gets older.
• Granny-panties – After the trauma and effort of labor and delivery, the most comfortable thing for her bottom and girl parts are some big, comfy granny-panties.  When she puts them on, she’ll love you for bringing them.  Bring about 5 pairs to cover your hospital stay.
• Cell phone, battery charger, and address book- Included in this is a pre-labor exercise for you two at around week 25 or 30.  You and your wife need to sit down and discuss who (and in what order) will need to be called to inform them of either the fact that you’ve gone into labor, or you’ve just had your baby.  Getting this down ahead of time will ensure that you don’t stress over it when the time comes, and that no one is left out or feels slighted.
• Special treat/snacks for after delivery – For my little lady, it’ll be Cheetos, Chips Ahoy (the good kind), Kit Kats, and M&Ms.  Though, I know she’s going to want sushi for her first post-delivery meal.
• Your own pillow(s) for after delivery – You may be able to tour the hospital and facilities prior to giving birth – maybe in conjunction with a birthing class, but I’m going to guess that lying on the hospital beds isn’t part of the tour.  Many hospitals have historically gone the sanitary-easy-to-clean-but-feels-like-sleeping-on-a-marble-slab pillows for their patients.  Rest assured that your wife will thank you and rest more easily with her own pillow or pillows.  Bring them in the car and then run out for them after your wife delivers and she’s settled into the hospital room.
• Clean nightgown or PJs for after delivery- Remember that the nightgown she wears during delivery will be tossed afterwards.  Bring some clean PJs for her to change into - maybe a cotton nightgown or some cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt.  Want to get the award for sappy husband of the year (I’m a contender for the award, most definitely)?  Buy her some very special PJs just for the occasion.  Maybe ones that have babies on them, or are pink or blue…
• Heavy-flow Maxipads – There will be discharge that would fall into the heavy category after your wife delivers the baby.  Have these packed for this.
• Going-home-outfit for the baby – This should A) be cute, just because; and B) include a hat, socks, and a receiving blanket.
• Going-home-outfit for your wife – We’re talking clothes for comfort not style.  Get some guidance from her on this.
• Going-home-shoes for your wife – Flat, slip-on shoes will be the most comfortable for your wife.  Flops are always a good option.
• Car Seat – This should meet the minimum current federal requirements, be installed correctly (be sure on this), and be ready and installed for when you leave with the baby.  Just a heads-up, you can’t take the baby home unless it meets the criteria just stated, so make sure you get this one done perfectly.
• Cash - Especially $1′s.  There will be vending machines relatively close to your hospital room.  You’ll want to have small dollar currency to be able to get your wife the pack of Nabs or yourself that Coke during your stay.  Go ahead and bring a good $20 or so dollars in $1 dollar bills.  Odd are that a single vending machine item will be ridiculously expensive.  If you are a frugal father, considering picking up sodas from the grocery store and having those available to bring in after the baby is born.  If I know my wife, she’ll want a cold Diet Coke over ice, and my guess is that they’ll be a heck of a lot cheaper at your local grocery store than in the vending machines at the hospital.
• Clothes and distractions for you:
  • Comfortable shoes
  • 2 changes of clothes.
  • A bathing suit (if you have a water birth or want to shower with your wife without being the scandalous couple at the hospital)
  • Toiletries (i.e. deodorant, your own toothbrush, etc.)
  • Powder or lotion for massaging your lady during labor (you’ll learn about this during your birthing classes…you are taking those, correct?)
  • Tennis ball (this is awesome for lower back massages which you’ll want to give your wife during labor)
  • A handkerchief (to cry into when she screams emasculating remarks at you during delivery) – just kidding,…sort of.

If necessary you can always make a run home for more stuff, but if you stay in the room with her, you may wish you had these things.  In addition, be sure to bring distractions for you.  Your wife will be in an exhaustion-induced sleep, and you will be in an adrenalin-induced state of bouncing off the walls.  Keep yourself entertained by bringing along a book, a journal, a laptop, or a crossword puzzle.

Download a checklist that you can use here. (39.9kb, PDF)

Good luck, RookieDads!

RookieDad Sean

Whether ’tis nobler to gender-ify the remaining 22 weeks of pregnancy or not…  I don’t think there’s a right answer.

A woman I work with – an ops kinda girl – said that despite her clear aura of process-planning-neonazism, she decided to wait to find out with her husband.  Her reply to the question of “why?” was unfortunately trite, saying with her typical grimace that she “was planning for the fact that you can’t plan anything for a baby.”  I guess I should congratulate her for her foresight and broad, albeit pessimistic view of parenthood, but I simply can’t give this woman the benefit of the doubt.

The truth is I find it hard to throw caution to the wind and be a take-it-as-it-comes kind of guy, at least when it comes to this prenancy and parenthood thing.  Call it the Boy Scout in me (“Be Prepared!” still rings in my ears), but I want to have the right clothes, a nursery decked to the nines, advice from parents with like-gendered children, and as much knowledge as I can possibly have about that baby well BEFORE it gets here, so that instead of having to hurry to get my ass in gear with what the baby needs, I can enjoy a paternity leave focused solely on getting to know and loving on my little one.

Now, there are some who want to do it all for their child as well, and are plenty prepared, but are more conservative or more whimsical with the gender issue.  Folks that are as level-headed as it gets, but want to bathe in every surprising joy of parenthood – and that includes being surprised about the gender.  I think that’s great.  For many people this is an exciting gift that mom and dad can share together.  I’ve known some who have had the ultrasound tech write the gender on a card and seal it in an envelope.  The couple then opens it at a later date.  A boss of mine opened the envelope with his wife on Christmas – making it a one-of-a-kind gift.

I think it boils down to preference.  There are certainly pros and cons to both approaches.  I think that individuals who are deeply conservative or largely eccentric are prone to the surprise-method, while the more liberal and urban parents tend to prep for their child by finding out the gender so that can get that Peg Perego car seat in pink if the gender so lends itself.  Again, no wrong way here and regionality could certainly play into it – just noting observations from a southern Carolina RookieDad.

Ultimately, come to the decision as a couple, weigh the pros and cons and get excited about it – if you do that, you can’t go wrong.  Whether you prolong the excitement or jump right in – that’s up to you and your bride.  This RookieDad found out…and there will be pink in my future and the dreaded hell of having dufus, hormonal pre-pubescent boys trying to date my little girl.  I’ll just need to perfect my deadpan-face-conversing-in-aggressive-grunts-while-cleaning-a-shotgun routine.  Wish me luck.  And good luck to you!  Whether it’s a boy or girl, and whether you find out or not, it’ll be a hell of a ride and an exciting time regardless - something you’ll want to soak in as much as possible.  Enjoy, RookieDads.  I know I am…

-RookieDad Sean

This is a time of wonder – of belly-bumps and kicks, pregnancy glow, nursery set up – the whole deal. One of the greater indulgences RookieDads can do is take on the chivalrous task of accommodating their wives’ cravings. But who can get an inordinate amount of goodies from Taco-Bell or the local pizza place and not partake? It is a yummy adventure to say the least!

Your wife is craving something yummy – let’s say a Philly Cheesesteak. You get to be that heroic guy who gets her one…and being that equal partner wanting to share in every part of this pregnancy, you get one for yourself as well. It is incredibly rewarding to see the love of your life so delighted that her taste buds are satisfied with that one culinary treat she’s been yearning for.

But here’s the catch. She’s supposed to gain lbs for the baby (though less than most people think) and essentially is eating for two. You, however, are not. So as your wife devours and metabolizes that yummy goodness, and you in turn do as well, you are gaining weight right along with her with no excuse. I’ve coined the phrase: the Craving Catch-22.

What are we to do?  Your beloved needs the healthy stuff as much as she does the not-so-healthy-but-God-they’re-good treats. And you don’t need to add 25lbs before the bundle of joy comes along. Follow the strategy below and win brownie points while infusing healthy foods into her (and your) diet.

*Note: This assumes that her craving is for unhealthy stuff. If she’s craving a mixed green salad with balsamic vinegar dressing and tofu – clearly, indulge her and disregard the below.

1) The Preemptive Strike: Your emotional wife wants and needs as much love from you as possible. Show your love through the gesture of cooking for her. Fix it healthily and before the craving comes and she’s not only eating a good and more healthy meal, she’ll appreciate the loving gesture, and your gut and heart won’t suffer from an unhealthy food indulgence.

Some excellent options are breakfast foods made with 2% cheese, Eggbeaters, whole wheat toast, and fresh fruit. Boca and Smartground make excellent soy meat substitutes that are great for taco dinners (with 2% cheese, fresh veggies, etc.) or chili (let me know and I’ll post my amazing meatless chili recipe – quick, easy, and delicious!). Extra firm tofu is a great experiment for everything from stir-fry Chinese food, to burritos, and there’s a ton of options out there for low-fat high nutrient treats. Try No-Pudge brownies made with yogurt and splenda – a yummy and healthy treat for mommy.

2) The Outlast Method: Now I’m not saying be deceptive here, but if you can imply that either you need to wait due to a chore, work, or just that you aren’t hungry, and supply her with a healthy alternative to tide her over, you will find that her craving is less strong and your suggestion of a healthy alternative is better received. Try, “Honey, tell you what. Let me get you a snack and that’ll give me a chance to load the dishes into the dishwasher,” or fold some clothes, or do some yardwork, etc. Give her a handful of baby carrots fresh from the fridge or 20 or so almonds or a yogurt or some Reduced-Fat Triscuits and Laughing Cow cheese. Take a minimum of 35 minutes to do whatever it is that you said you were going to do. Her reduced eating capacity, reduced hunger, and increased satiation will result in either an absence of craving, or more likely receptivity to a healthier option. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

3) The Counter-weight Technique: So some of these tips are suggesting that you don’t eat the food your wife is craving. There is another way. Make exercise a precondition for the unhealthy treat. This is low impact stuff I’m talking about. Do a prenatal-yoga (on DVD) with her or take a 30 minute walk with her at a brisk pace. The result of the exercise will have multiple effects: It will increase endorphins in your wife thereby redering a negative hormonal response to something stupid we might do or say later less likely. Exercise is essential for the health and development of the baby in utero. And it often results in a desire for a healthier option after the exercise is done. In addition, cravings tend to lose their strength by waiting – i.e. the time it takes to finish that walk. Worse case scenario is that it will help counteract the mass of calories you are about to take in by satisfying the craving for Krispy Kreme doughnuts and french fries.

4) The Eenie-Meenie Method: Also known as the having-your-cake-and-eating-it-too method, the Eenie-Meenie Method  is in essence a compromise. Eat extremely healthy snacks and meals throughout the day and allow yourself an indulgence in the evening, and choose the days you plan to do this – hence the eenie-meenie method (as in eenie-meenie-miney-moe). There are virtues to preplanning indulgence. For certain personality types, it becomes a challenge to stick to the plan, while for others the prospect of the upcoming reward becomes a wonderful thing to look forward to. Allow two indulgence days in the first trimester, three in the second trimester, and four in the third trimester. Try to never have more than one indulgence day in a row. Give it a try – I think you’ll find that you can have your cake, fried pickles and onion-rings, and eat them too (but only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday’s).

Heard of any other good techniques to promote healthy eating for mommy and tread the fine-line of the Craving Catch-22? Let us know.

-RookieDad Sean