I think I understand now why my father always wanted so desperately to be with his kids on Father’s Day.  Birthdays are a celebration of you, so naturally I always thought Father’s Day was a celebration of your father, a day to pay homage to the guy who gave you the ever-so-important x or y chromosome that makes you who you are.  I guess that’s part of it, but I’m seeing things a little differently now.  This Father’s Day equated to a massive paradigm shift for me that had the physical effect of walloping me with a happy-sappy stick.

I received my first Father’s Day card, and yes, it was sweet; and yes, it was kudos to me about how good a dad I’d be, etc.  Yes, I also received adorable gifts from my wife – cute baby books about daddies (my favorite below right), and a precious frame that displays an ultrasound picture (my sister got me one as well).

Daddy Kisses

Please understand that I’m in no way saying I’m not thankful and touched by these gifts – I very much am.  But I was entertained by something else this Father’s Day.  I know this is going to sound corny, and I’m doing my best not to be sappy here, but I could have not received a gift or card and would have not felt slighted in the least.  In fact I would have still been tickled pink about my Father’s Day.

You know how you have to allow yourself to relax and enjoy yourself from time to time lest you get so caught up in the frenzy that you forget to do so?  I equated Father’s Day as the world’s nod to me to sit back and relish in the fact that I was a father.  THAT became the point of the day for me.   It’s just so obvious to me now, but I don’t think I’d have ever realized it if I wasn’t a new dad.  It wasn’t “dear husband or brother or son, congrats to you for being a dad and here’s a celebration of you.”  It wasn’t about celebration at all, per se.  Or at least not as we usually do it.  For me it was a shift of consciousness.  It provided me an occasion to wrap my thoughts up in all that my baby is and will be to me in the years to come.

When the day was done and dinner was had, cards were opened and quiet descended upon the house, my wife took a nap and I allowed myself to close my eyes for a few very brief moments and allow my imagination to flash to the future: the first time my baby crawls, the first time I hear its laugh, its first date without me tagging along as a chaperon, and its first heartbreak, moments of pride and ones of disappointment but more than anything flashes – one after another – of sheer love.  I love this kid and I don’t even know it yet.  I know what love is and I feel it for all sorts of people in my life.  Mostly, and more than anyone else, I feel it for my wife….sometimes so much it hurts.  But what I felt as I allowed myself those glimpses into the future – man, that was love like I’d never felt it before.

I decided that after I caught my breath and regained composure I would 1) document this enormous paradigm shift, and 2) wade through the sappiness and get to the point of the thing as best as I could to explain to folks what I think my dad always felt and never told me.  Father’s Day isn’t about the celebration of fathers.  It’s a moment the fathers allow themselves to relish and celebrate their kids.  All the dads I know tell me that there is nothing in this world like being a daddy.  I discovered – really the thought smacked me upside the head like a 10 pound salmon pitched across the room – that it’s more about my baby, about the whole world and the rest of my years wrapped up in this little thing that’s not even born yet.

Maybe it’s different for other fathers.  Hell, maybe its the same and none of us want to share the revelation, but rather keep it to ourselves like a little piece of heaven that’s all our own that we’re entitled to at least this one day a year.  Regardless, this is my new view of Father’s Day.  I’m not sure I can explain it any better, but I just want to say: I understand now, pops.

-RookieDad Sean