We all know what a honeymoon is.  Extrapolate the concept of celebrating a life-changing event with the foci of a new family and a beloved addition in utero, and you have the “babymoon.”  Coined in 1996 in The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger, the concept hadn’t reached mass popularity until the later half of the 2000’s, but now an entire subset of the travel industry is popping up around the babymoon, and new sites are now out there 100% dedicated to the concept.  Primetime news sites are featuring exposes on the new trend such CBS News, ABC News and the NY Times, and even Fodor’s and Frommer’s communities are getting into the action.   Clearly such ubiquitous parent sites as babycenter.com and parenting.com are highlighting the trend.

So, why take a babymoon in the 2nd trimester?

Aside from the obvious celebrating the impending bundle of joy, there are several good reasons to take a babymoon…

• The best time your wife is going to feel is in the 2nd trimester.  The nausea subsides, the heartburn cools, and her tiredness even improves.  (Want to know the cause of those physical afflictions? Check out my post on Pregnancy Hormones…)
• You can still fly.  Doctors typically don’t advise against flying until well into the 3rd trimester.  That means she’s feeling good AND can travel.  There’s only a small window for this during the pregnancy, so take advantage.
• Quiet time for mommy and daddy.  We all know life is going to get picked up by the tail flipped up in the air and do a perfectly executed face-plant.  With all the change and craziness to come over the next 18 years, a babymoon is a perfect time to enjoy your wife before the kids come into the picture.
• 2nd Trimester Sex.  Somewhere between raging hormones and actually feeling good, and right at the intersection of feeling overwhelming love for her husband and sensitivity of certain parts of her anatomy – that’s where libido comes back into the picture.  It’s a mystical, magical and wonderful gift to new dads.   Just when you’ve accepted celibacy for nine months, guess what?  The heavens have smiled upon you because your wife starts to get that itch again in the 2nd trimester.  Take advantage of it, fellas.  Want to make it more special for her while increasing your likelihood for action?  Romance the mommy-to-be in a location away from home where she’s less likely to get distracted by her nesting impulse.

There are even more reasons that I’m sure you can think of, but do be sure to take into account the below considerations if you decide to take your beloved on one of these…

• Some airlines require a doctor’s note to fly if you are at a certain point in pregnancy – usually late 2nd trimester to 3rd trimester.
• Some destinations are not preggers-friendly, and may require vaccinations.
• Long travel times are not only uncomfortable for pregnant mommies but also potentially dangerous - make sure she gets up every hour or so to stretch her legs and walk the aisles.  Embolisms can result from pooling if she sits too long.   This goes for long drives as well.
• Decent medical facilities are a must.  Do not go where quality care is not readily available.
• Consider cancellation insurance on your flight and travel arrangements, but read the fine print.  Many plans don’t include pregnancy as a valid medical reason for cancellation.
• Be sure she can eat a variety of good stuff.  If you go to a tropical location, be sure there’s more than just fish available – she’s constrained to 12oz a week of mercury-prone sea-food (i.e. tuna, grouper, mahi, tilapia, hog fish, snapper, etc.).
• Be sure you take plenty of sun screen, keep her hydrated and cool, and keep your OB’s number on speed dial.  Pregnant mothers are not only prone to burning more easily, but with elevated core temps and increased blood pressure, the risk for dehydration, heat exhaustian and heat stroke increase big time for your honey.  Keep hydrating fluids coming (water, not soda), and force her to cool down as often as possible.  Honey, I know you’ll protest this, but it is written and it so.  You can’t fry yourself in the sun regardless of how much you love to lay out.
• When traveling to crowded places, let your protective and chivalrous side shine.  Walk in front of her and don’t be afraid to be gruff or throw a shoulder if need be to keep unwanted drunkards from bumping into and possibly knocking down your wife.  You can say “excuse me” after the danger is averted.

Overall, with a little foresight, planning, and prepartion, you two can take a trip that is romantic, relaxing, celebratory, and fun – and a great way to create a lovely memory before you bring your little one into the world.

Looking for more information or babymoon planning assistance?  Some sites that have made it their business to provide babymoon bookings, advice and help include:

• babymoonguide.com
• babymoonfinder.com
• baby-moon.eu

Regardless of whether it’s across the world, or a couple nights at a nearby hotel, this new trend is gaining traction as a common part of pregnancy for the expecting parents of the 21st century.

Besides, an excuse to go on vacation and have some romantic time with my wife?  No brainer from where I’m sitting. 

-RookieDad Sean

I think I understand now why my father always wanted so desperately to be with his kids on Father’s Day.  Birthdays are a celebration of you, so naturally I always thought Father’s Day was a celebration of your father, a day to pay homage to the guy who gave you the ever-so-important x or y chromosome that makes you who you are.  I guess that’s part of it, but I’m seeing things a little differently now.  This Father’s Day equated to a massive paradigm shift for me that had the physical effect of walloping me with a happy-sappy stick.

I received my first Father’s Day card, and yes, it was sweet; and yes, it was kudos to me about how good a dad I’d be, etc.  Yes, I also received adorable gifts from my wife – cute baby books about daddies (my favorite below right), and a precious frame that displays an ultrasound picture (my sister got me one as well).

Daddy Kisses

Please understand that I’m in no way saying I’m not thankful and touched by these gifts – I very much am.  But I was entertained by something else this Father’s Day.  I know this is going to sound corny, and I’m doing my best not to be sappy here, but I could have not received a gift or card and would have not felt slighted in the least.  In fact I would have still been tickled pink about my Father’s Day.

You know how you have to allow yourself to relax and enjoy yourself from time to time lest you get so caught up in the frenzy that you forget to do so?  I equated Father’s Day as the world’s nod to me to sit back and relish in the fact that I was a father.  THAT became the point of the day for me.   It’s just so obvious to me now, but I don’t think I’d have ever realized it if I wasn’t a new dad.  It wasn’t “dear husband or brother or son, congrats to you for being a dad and here’s a celebration of you.”  It wasn’t about celebration at all, per se.  Or at least not as we usually do it.  For me it was a shift of consciousness.  It provided me an occasion to wrap my thoughts up in all that my baby is and will be to me in the years to come.

When the day was done and dinner was had, cards were opened and quiet descended upon the house, my wife took a nap and I allowed myself to close my eyes for a few very brief moments and allow my imagination to flash to the future: the first time my baby crawls, the first time I hear its laugh, its first date without me tagging along as a chaperon, and its first heartbreak, moments of pride and ones of disappointment but more than anything flashes – one after another – of sheer love.  I love this kid and I don’t even know it yet.  I know what love is and I feel it for all sorts of people in my life.  Mostly, and more than anyone else, I feel it for my wife….sometimes so much it hurts.  But what I felt as I allowed myself those glimpses into the future – man, that was love like I’d never felt it before.

I decided that after I caught my breath and regained composure I would 1) document this enormous paradigm shift, and 2) wade through the sappiness and get to the point of the thing as best as I could to explain to folks what I think my dad always felt and never told me.  Father’s Day isn’t about the celebration of fathers.  It’s a moment the fathers allow themselves to relish and celebrate their kids.  All the dads I know tell me that there is nothing in this world like being a daddy.  I discovered – really the thought smacked me upside the head like a 10 pound salmon pitched across the room – that it’s more about my baby, about the whole world and the rest of my years wrapped up in this little thing that’s not even born yet.

Maybe it’s different for other fathers.  Hell, maybe its the same and none of us want to share the revelation, but rather keep it to ourselves like a little piece of heaven that’s all our own that we’re entitled to at least this one day a year.  Regardless, this is my new view of Father’s Day.  I’m not sure I can explain it any better, but I just want to say: I understand now, pops.

-RookieDad Sean

The RookieDad’s Guide to Pregnancy Hormones:

Of the many physiological changes occuring in your wife’s body at the moment, changes in pregnancy hormones can evoke some of the most strange behavior from your normally calm, cool, and collected bride.  My wonderful wife sent me the following cartoon below after having a “moment” the previous night when she discovered I had bought three new (and probably unneeded – yes, honey, I’ll give you that) spices for my overflowing spice cabinet.  In my wife’s defense, there were a number of things that built up to it including dropping some can goods that I left on the landing at the back door when she got home from work – I brought in the rest of the groceries but forgot that bag.  Ug….  “But it must be the pregnancy hormones,” she told me through tears that came on as quickly as a raging Carribean tropical storm in September.

As a loving and adoring husband, you may have difficulty in recognizing the hormone-evoked response from the usual response.  Hence, you may find it difficult to reconcile your wife’s outward reactions.  From what I’ve been told from one of our friends, “you know how we get mood swings around our periods?  Pregnancy hormone mood swings are like PMS on crack.”

• LH (Luteinizing Hormone):  Partnered with FSH, these guys manage the mentrual cycle which drops an egg and sheds it if it doesn’t become fertilized upon ovulation.
• FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone):  Partner of LH.  Essentially this puppy hits the ovary’s egg-bearing follicle and stimulates it to make estrogen (see below)
• Estrogen: Early in the game, it shuts off the flow of FSH, and orders a mega-blast of LH which hits the follicle, bursts it open, allowing the egg to begin it’s descent.  It also is the foreman for progesterone and hCG as the baby develops.  The placenta will start pumping out estrogen once it’s fully developed in the 2nd trimester.  High levels of estrogen can cause blotchiness or rashing.  The ruddy result in the cheeks is often described as the “Pregnancy Glow.”  We want this hormone going, because it’s what keeps our babies from being androgenous and creates the sex organs you excitedly – or not – look for around week 18.
• Progesterone:  The hormone generated by the now split-open follicle (aka corpus luteum aka yellow body) ripens the uterus for future baby inhabitants and turns off the LH spicket.  It maintains the functions of the placenta (how your baby gets it’s nutrients), and keeps the uterus from contracting.  Later in the 2nd trimester, the placenta takes over production of progesterone.  Love the progesterone.  It is what promotes breast tissue growth and causes your wife to bust out of skimpy tops if you are lucky enough to get her in one.  Also, you can think of progesterone as a bouncer with an apron.  It keeps the uterus and placenta in order and beats off cells near the womb and baby that could hurt either one.  This puppy – as good as it is – causes your wife’s constipation and heartburn.  Likely contributors to her general aggrevation and state of discomfort which, as you can imagine, contributes to an emotional “moment” from time to time.
• hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin): The main culprit.  It is what you are looking for during a pregnancy test that throws the pink line or “+YES.”  This bugger (said lovingly) is made by the cells in the placenta (newly forming just days after conception).  These guys hit the corpus luteum back up in the ovary and get the estrogen/progesterone train going again.  Morning sickness – yep, that’s hCG.  The surge of hCG in the 1st trimester contributes to the queasy-nauseous-don’t-touch-me-or-I’ll-puke feeling.  It also is the cause of the tennis-match-like runs to the potty to pee.  In addition, this lovely bugger suppresses the immune system causing your precious wife to begin sniffling and sneezing if she’s within city limits of a person with a cold.  Be thankful though, this suppressed immune response is so that her body doesn’t see the baby as an alien bug and reject it.  So dab at her snotty nose lovingly.

Alone these guys can do a number on a woman’s system, in concert they effect her in all the ways you’ve probably already seen.  Her increased metabolism due to the baby’s need for nutrients along with these hormones forces down both blood pressure and blood sugar.  The result is your constantly pooped wife in the 1st trimester.  Overall these five play with other strong hormones and chemicals to cause any number of physiological effects not all 100% understood by the medical community according to paternityangel.com.  Some other fun players in the starting line-up include:

• HCS (Human Chorionic Somatomammotropin) aka HPL (Human Placental Lactogen): Produced in the placenta and managed by estrogen.  Helps the breasts develop the capability to feed your baby.
• Calcitonin: Manages the baby’s bone development
• Thyroxin: Manages the baby’s nervous system development, absorption of oxygen and general growth.
• Insulin: Manages the baby’s food storage and glucose levels in both mommy and fetus.
• Relaxin: Causes the pelvic muscles to, well, relax.  Is the main culprit for her hips hurting.
• Oxytocin: Generated through nipple stimulation (that’s right.  I said it.) and cervix stretching.  It is what makes the uterus contract to shove the baby out and stimulates those bra-busting monsters to generate milk.  Progesterone and Estrogen continue to climb for the 38 weeks leading to pregnancy.  Just before pregnancy, they drop dramatically.  That’s this guy’s cue to go into the game.
• Erythropoietin: Manages blood and marrow development in the baby’s body.
• Cortisol: Takes those nutrients your wife is taking in and helps the baby use them.
• Prolactin: Helps immune system development, and also plays a cameo role in the baby’s growth as well as preparing your wife’s breasts for milk-production.

These guys are awesome.  Take two guys, mix in frustration over not having any diaper bags that work with the guy in mind, and in one part masculinity and one part ingenuity, and what you get is the dadgear.com products.  These products are so cool that every hip rookiedad should get something like this for the gadget/innovation factor alone.

Highlighted at www.dadgear.com of particular interest are the messenger bags and the fleece vests.  What I especially like are the patent-pending built-in diaper wipes of the messenger bag and the built-in slim, sleek diaper changing pad that slips out of the back zippered area of the fleeces.

Let’s talk about the messenger bag first.

This thing is available in many cool styles.  For those guys thinking they’ll be relegated to the Kate Spade quilted diaper bag, specially made to immasculate any guy, put that out of your head.  The designs of this are sweet.  My favorite is “Dead Man’s Party”:

But there are a ton of designs available.  Some really unique features of the bag include a very compact and sleek diaper changing pad, enough pockets to house any number of must-haves from bottles and passies, to fresh diapers and toys.  A front pocket on the flap provides ample space for the random Sports Illustrated, Men’s Health or Fortune, and a wide strap ensures that all of the weight of the bag is distributed across the shoulder instead of thin strip of a strap cutting into you.  The best part of the bag is a quick access case for diaper wipes.  A patent-pending design allows for wipe refills while a clip-cover holds the wipes in place with a quick-to-open plastic flip lid.  This bag is not for amatuers.  It gets a 5 out of 5 stars from me for the coolness factor alone.  Honey – if you are reading this – be aware that I will be buying this thing unless you get it for me for our anniversary.  This thing is frickin’ awesome.  Other shots of the product are below….

Another cool product is their RookieDad-oriented fleece vests and jackets.  Though the wipes case is not quite as cool on these – just a pocket for compact wipes, the jackets and vests do feature a very cool back pocket across the lower back that houses the same-style compact changing pad.  No argument about it, this is not just a fleece vest.  It is designed with the dad in mind, with ample mesh pockets on the inside panels to fit several changes of diapers.  Don the vest, and you are good to go.  4 out of 5 stars for me.  The only way they could make it better is if they fashioned the diaper wipes to be quick-draw as in the messenger bag.  And for those fellas prone to be hot-natured, it would be nice if the pits and neck were breathable like most Patagonia vests and jackets.  All the same, a very cool product.

Messenger bag and vests run about $80 at www.dadgear.com.

Alright, I’m loving this gadget I got H. for Mother’s Day ‘09 (my wife’s first Mother’s Day as a real mother!).  Essentially it is a highdef microphone localized under volume control with frequency-based ear phones that come in a set of two and plug into dual audio jacks on the front of the audio monitor.  This is an excellent device to – if nothing else – give you a reason to snuggle up together, block out the noise of the day, and strain to make out the beat of your baby’s heart.

Since we’re only at the start of the second trimester, largely what we’re hearing is the gurgling of her digestion, but the product promises that by the third trimester you can hear the actual heart beat and even the sound of nutrients passing through the placenta and hiccups from the baby.  What makes the product enticing is also the difference in how the sound resonates.  At the doctor, you hear Doppler or regenerated resonance of the sounds in the womb.  These give you the whooshing whokomp-whokomp-whokomp sound that you hear when the nurse presses the mic into your wife’s abdomen.  The sound you are supposed to hear from the audio output of BebeSounds is the actual sound of the heartBeat – as if you pressed your ear to the child’s chest.

Other plusses of BebeSounds are those that appeal to the parents who are looking to raise a Harvard grad – a guy can dream, right?  Included in the package is a band that velcros around the mother’s belly, under which the parents can slip speaker paddles that can be positioned on either side of the womb.  Through these you can either play the included classical CD with songs specifically selected to stimulate baby response and reactivity, or you be creative and play anything you like, including using the supplied microphone to talk to the baby.  Hundreds of case studies speak to the benefits of in utero parental voice recognition conditioning for post-delivery babies, its calming effects, and the speed of recognition of parents voices.  Case in point, dads get the shaft.  It may be easy to get our feelings hurt because the new born often takes time (one statistic says up to 4 weeks) to recognize and seek out the voice of the father.  This is an excellent opportunity to start conditioning the baby to recognize your voice now.

For music lovers, this is also the opportunity to condition your baby to the music that you love.  It’s a known fact that many types of music stimulate very exaggerated response from fetuses.  Many mothers who have attended live classical concerts have reported that they have had to leave early due to their baby’s kicking – and some have reported in utero movement (kicking) in time with the music.  For audiophiles like myself and my wife, we plan to take this opportunity to see if the baby has a similar response to some of our favorite musicians.  At the very least, a preconditioning of this sort may allow for us to put on some of our favorite music and enjoy it while having a dual effect of calming the baby.   I’m in the midst now of creating a mix on the iPod of some classic Jimmy Buffet (the less up-beat songs), John Prine, Todd Snider, Hayes Carll, Jerry Jeff Walker, Marc Cohn, James Taylor, Jimmy Hendrix, Ella Fitgerald, and other eclectic mashups of artists.  I’ll report back with whether the baby responds to one artist or type of music over another.

BebeSounds Prenatal Heart Listener and microphone set runs about $40 at your local Babies’R'Us.  BRU (that’s text-speak for Babies’R'Us) rates the product 2 out of 5 stars – maybe because it takes until the third trimester on average for parents to actually hear the heartbeat.  Nonetheless, we like the product aso far nd I’d go with 3 or 4 out of 5 stars for the product, for the bonding-with-wife factor alone.  Enjoy!

BebeSounds Heart Listener

At week 7, I think we saw the heartbeat. I say “saw” because the embryo was far too small to use a typical listening device (i.e. Doppler) to heat the heartbeat.

What precipitated the visit was bleeding and slight cramping. At this point, we had switched doctors three times – moving from a midwife, to the head of the practice, to a newer doctor who we fell in love with at this very same visit. We’ll call her Dr. F.

That Sunday evening, when my wife had some spotting that showed up on toilet paper and in her underwear, we called the emergency nurse line to ask about it. We were told that it was most likely nothing, but to schedule appointment immediately.

I was concerned that H. (my wife) had done too much activity over the weekend. I immediately ordered her to cease and desist all activity and TAKE IT EASY. Believe you me, that appointment couldn’t come soon enough.

We luckily got into the doctor – a new doctor – the next day. She had a wry wit and a very no-nonsense air about her, but she was young and inspired confidence.  She was exactly what we needed. Dr. F. ordered a vaginal ultrasound.

As a tech broke out something that looked very much like a small boom mic – which she officially termed a “wand,” H. and I held our breath. What came up on the screen didn’t exactly look like baby – more like a wee-beety alien Quasimodo (we later found out the hump was the “yolk sak”). In the center of the image of the mini-martian on the screen was a pixelated flutter in the center of the thing. It was a heart beat.

Though statistics arguably vary due to when the heartbeat is discovered, one statistic notes that the rate of miscarriage during the first trimester (first 12-14 weeks) drastically reduces – by ~70% – once a strong heart beat is heard. Our little martian had a 170+ beat-per-minute heart rate. Strong. Very strong.

H. choked down tears, not sure if crying was permitted in the exam room (we are just so new to this). Me? I just held my wife’s hand and tried to wrench my mouth closed from the wide-open, lock-jaw position it had been in for the last fifteen minutes.

As H. and I continued to stare at the screen, the tech printed the first picture we’d have of our baby.

Baby McG at 7 weeks, 4 days

A very common occurance, what H. and I had experienced was implantation bleeding.  As the ovum (the egg cell – the largest cell in the female human body) begins its decent from the fallopian tubes to the uterus, it plant itselt into the uterine wall where it will develop along with its placenta.  This nestling into the uterine wall creates some rupture of blood vessels as the egg works its way into the wall of the womb.  The blood eventually works its way out.  In our case, it worked it’s way out seven weeks and 3 days after implantation onto H.’s underwear and toilet paper.  Happily, we now know that implantation bleeding is one of the only times bleeding is welcomed in pregnancy.  It means the young baby has snuggled into the womb and has found itself a warm, welcome home to begin growth and development.  It’s a good thing, people.

I guess the point of the story for us was that pregnancy marks a very weird, wild time for the female body.  All kinds of crazy stuff is happening in there.  If something seems wrong, off kilter, or just unusual, DO NOT FREAK OUT.  The stress is bad for the mommy, baby and daddy (and dogs, cats, other family members, friends, etc.).  Just calmly call the doctor and get in there to check it out.  Some worry is natural; just try to keep it all in perspective.  The doctor can tell you if it’s something to stress about.  Try not to stress before you need to.

________________________________________________________

(P.S. - We actually heard the heartbeat two weeks after this… )

Baby’s Heartbeat at 9 Weeks

-RookieDad Sean

This page ought to be called: “RookieDad’s guide to the weird and wild!” So we all took anatomy/biology at some point in our lives and are pretty familiar with the sexual anatomy of the average male and female, but brother, I had no idea how very much is involved in the business of creating life. This page is dedicated to the edification of the average and typically unenlightened rookiedad in the ways of baby development, the bits and pieces of the female internal gynecological anatomy, and the physiology of baby-making (mostly what happens in the 38 weeks after you turn the lights on and stop the Marvin Gaye CD).

-RookieDad Sean

This is where you will find any number of helpful tips and tricks from both myself and the pregnancy community at large to use as you prepare for the big day.

I’m a gadget guy by nature, and having a pregnant wife and impending bundle of joy has opened up an ENTIRELY new world of fun, gadgety things to get. Check out some of my top picks and the uber wish list of dad gear here.

-RookieDad Sean

My wife wanted me to keep a journal – and other books suggest it – so by golly, that’s what I intend to do. But writing down in a book my thoughts and feelings and experiences is just not how I roll. A) My handwriting is attrocious, and B) I have to have the journal with me for it to do any good. In the advent of mobile technology and wireless networking, I can journal via this blog at any time and point of any day. So if you want to know about the wiggleworm, the uterine slip & slide, the log of sympathy food-cravings, poppy the 3rd trimester yoga guru, the pink doughnut & the cervix perv, the whoo-pish ring @ checkout and more, read on and enjoy!

-RookieDad Sean