Rookie Dad Blog

Hiya, folks. 

So when it rains it pours.  I’m sorry I haven’t posted much in the past couple of months, but I’ve had a crazy time leading up to BabyWatch ‘09.  Not to belabour the point or rant too much (though you have been warned), but here’s a taste of the stuff that happened over October/November/December (I’ll try to get the timelines approximately right)….

• October:
  • The Catalytic Converter Caper:  So I bring in my truck for a check engine light, thinking there’s a wiring issue or something since older Toyotas are known for throwing check engine lights.  I was told to drop it off after work and they’d check it out first thing in the morning.  Got a call in the afternoon to let me know that someone crawled under the truck, cut the transmission hose and ran off with my catalytic converter.  They called Heather instead of me about this.  We wait for over a week to get the damn part in – which clearly I wasn’t going to pay for, that’s what they have insurance for – and when it finally does come in, they “fix” the check engine light by replacing a cover or gasket that wound up costing us about $500.   Um, guess how much a catalytic converter costs.  About $500.  Clearly, I’m done with that shady place.  Get this: JOY, the check engine light comes back on.  My boss and some other colleagues recommended a shop downtown and he fixed the check engine light for like $50.  Haven’t had any problems since.  Wayne – You are an awesome mechanic and you have a rabid fan and promoter in me now.
    • CONS: Stolen catalytic converter.  Inconvenient as hell to be without a vehicle in a 2-vehicle family for a week and a half.  Felt invaded by having someone cut something from my poor old pickup.
    • PROS: Brand new catalytic converter.  Interesting story to tell.  Check engine light is now fixed.  Found an awesome mechanic so I won’t need to worry about getting overcharged and underdelivered again.
• November:
  • Deer Hunting With Our Corolla:  Ah, any country boy can tell you that November means deer season and rut.  ‘Tis the time when deer – does and bucks – run rampant on highways and byways and cuddle with the bumpers of cars, leaving those oh-so-lovely carcasses strewn along the road.  Yes, deer are lovely creatures, majestic and serene as they nibble foliage in the forest.  But when this time of year rolls around, they become brainless sex-crazed cloven-footed menaces.  OK, I may be going overboard…  Here’s the story: Hurried home on a Tuesday evening to meet Heather and then to head up to The Farmer’s Market for dinner with her and my parents.  We met at the house, jumped into our little Corolla that we’ve had since we were married 8 years ago, and headed off to meet my parents.  I had had several late nights working on stuff, and had closed my eyes for a minute or two rubbing my neck.  It was just dark, with a bit of pale blue sky just evident on the horizon.  As I let my thoughts wander, I heard a loud crunch, thump, brakes, scream from Heather, and I felt my whole body slam forward.  This was followed by a delayed far-too-girly scream from me.  My first thought was we must have hit a deer, which I announced to Heather who had just begun to sob.  She pulled over to a center turning lane, and gingerly I guided her to the passenger seat while I inspected the crumpled remains of our front hood and bumper.  Then I got into the driver’s seat and headed home – fearful that the car wouldn’t make it.  Heather seemed fine, I was fine, the only thing that wasn’t fine was our car.  I got the poor thing home, and then calmed Heather down and got her into the pickup to continue on to meet my parents.  In retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to maybe just stay home at that point, but I hoped my dad – an avid deer hunter – could help me verify that it was indeed a deer we hit instead of a jogger (which was a thought causing me anxiety because I didn’t see traces of anything – blood or hair – that would indicate what it was).  In the truck, Heather still understandably upset wanted to know if I brought a knife or gun or blunt object in case the poor animal was lying on the side of the road still suffering.  Flash to the image of me, stabbing a deer to death, or shooting or clubbing it Scorsese style – comical right?  Heather’s heart is enormous for wildlife – one thing I fell in love with her for.  No, I consoled her, I did not bring a death device, and told her I didn’t see the deer when we drove home; it may have run into a nearby field to die.  Heather was thinking of Bambi and us being the hunter who killed Bambi’s mother – I know that was what she was thinking.  Eventually she became calmer as her planning/OCD side kicked in and we started discussing the realities of the situation.  We were back to a one-vehicle household.  She was a good 35 weeks pregnant – near term.  Could give birth at any time.  And the one driveable vehicle that we had could not bring the baby home.  Crap.  This was our cue to begin CarQuest ‘09 (see below).  A short dinner with my parents later, and I had Heather riding with my mom, Dad and I driving his pickup truck by the murder scene to see if a deer was somewhere there, and then us standing in the garage with a flashlight examining the wreckage for signs of hair or blood like CSI meets The Dukes of Hazard.  I can tell you that I am SOOO thankful my dad has the hunting and tracking sense of a turn-of-the-century American Indian.  He spotted the brown hairs and a smidgeon of blood in a couple of places.  Enough to verify that it wasn’t human.  Or if it was, it was a human with four cloven feet, course, short, 2-tone brown hair, and had a jump radius of a good 6-8 ft.  Needless to say, all signs pointed to deer.  The next morning, we drove – if you can call it that – up to a nearby body shop and called our insurance.  The final verdict after yet another week of working from home and juggling around a pick-up truck as our sole car?  The corolla <tear> was totalled. 
    • CONS:  Totaled car.  Risked death and dismemberment at the hands of a woodland creature.  Deeply upset my 35-week-pregnant wife, who could go into labor any minute now.  Took us down to one vehicle again, one that was not suitable for transporting a baby.  Hurt a sweet woodland creature.  No venison steaks to show for it. 
    • PROS:  We needed a new car anyway.  We turned out to be fine.  It turned into a nice bonding experience with my parents.  Dinner afterwards seemed to taste better due to the adrenaline coursing through our veins.  We were able to drive the car home after the event.  It happened after the truck was all fixed; we could have been in a world of hurt if it happened during the week the converter was stolen off the truck.
  • Forced Hospitalization for Monitoring:  We didn’t think to call the doctor until the day after we hit the deer.   Our doc told us to promptly go to the hospital for monitoring.  A juggling of schedules and a semi-lengthy check-in process later, we were at the hospital in a bed for four hours watching and listening to the baby’s heartbeat.  Turns out mommy and baby were fine, but there’s nothing fun about a forced hospital admission.
    • CONS:  Stressful juggling of schedules to get into the hospital ASAP.  The waiting room and check-in process wasn’t what I’d call pleasant.  The fear that something might be wrong was definitely top of mind.
    • PROS:  Turned out that mommy and baby were just fine.  Got an opportunity at a dry run of the hospital where we planned on giving birth.  Got another chance to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.  Found out that Heather was beginning to dilate (1cm) and was having intermittant contractions.
  • Toothfis: I enjoyed breaking a crown off in the rear of my mouth.  Out to lunch with a couple of buddies at a favorite Mexican restaurant, and I bite down on a tortilla chip.  OK, we all know how thin a tortilla chip is.  It’s not like I was gnawing on tree bark or biting down on a cinder block.  Granted the chip was harder and crunchier than the salsa, but seriously people?  A chip?  Anyways, I chewed on my broken cap for a minute or two before I realized that it very clearly wasn’t part of my appetizer.  Liken it to the guy who hides the engagement ring in his love interest’s dessert and she bites down on it and -voila – pulls it from her mouth in shock and appreciation.  OK, don’t liken it to that.  It was nothing like that.  Did I mention this was the day before Thanksgiving, and my dentist was conveniently closed until the following Monday?
    • CONS: Broken tooth.  Closed dentist.  Had to basically gum my turkey and stuffing until the following week.  And yes, it did hurt as well.
    • PROS: Got the tooth replaced the following week and it’s now far less likely to break again.  Luckily it didn’t happen to a front tooth – that would have sucked.  Interesting story to tell.
• December:
  • CarQuest ‘09:  So it was our plan to get a new car this upcoming spring so that we could dually transport the little bambina to day care and not be reliant on just the one car (as I mentioned, the pickup isn’t exactly baby-friendly).  After the deer ‘attack’, we found that we had to push the timeline up a bit.  Now it appeared we needed two cars.  So, down economy, car market tanking, cash-for-clunkers over, and us buying two at once – you’d figure we’d get at least a competitive price from the dealership.  Not so much.  Anthony at the Toyota Dealership, your loss, buddy.  We ended up at Carmax, had a delightful experience and now weeks after initiating the process, have both a Camry and new Corolla in the garage.  (Yes, we’re a Toyota family.  Taichi Ohno, eat your heart out.)
    • CONS:  Clearly, buying two cars at once isn’t exactly stress free.  In addition, a two-car discount wasn’t to be found regardless of the economic conditions.  Also, pre-deer, we had $0 car payments.  Now not so much.
    • PROS:  We now have two cars AND a truck.  So I get to continue to be a weekend warrior AND have the flexibility to have a car in the shop and still two vehicles to use AND we can both transport the little one.  Plus we upgraded a touch, which Heather can attest to.  The difference in comfortability between a Camry and Corolla is indeed significant.  Car seats installed, and we’re good to go.
  • Come On Uterus, Figure It Out:  Uterine irritability is what it’s called.  Also, she had ‘False Labor’ – a no-no term, especially to any preggers mommy to experience this maddening condition.  No, this is not Braxton-Hicks contractions which are typically painless.  Prodromal labor doesn’t go away if you get up and move around, unlike Braxton-Hicks.   But it’s the uterine irritability that is so unbearable.  Imagine a contraction as they typically are depicted.  A noticeable start, crescendo, peak and decline. And then a pause before the next one ensues.  Uterine irritability is contractions back to back to back, but they never peak.  Instead they hover in the crescendo area, bottom-out and then spike again.  And repeat again and again and again, without reprieve.  So, no break for mommy, and what feels like one mid-grade, non-stop contraction.  Sounds uncomfortable, huh?  We went to the hospital, but since the prodromal labor coupled with the uterine irritability is still unproductive – not contributing to the cervix opening or thinning any more – we got sent home.  She’s had this consecutively about every other day with enough discomfort to bring tears to her eyes.
    • CONS: Well, going to the hospital and thinking it’s time to have the baby and then getting sent home is no fun.  Also, poor Heather can’t catch a break.  It is tortuous to endure this kind of thing, and the worst part is that it brings us no closer to baby.
    • PROS:  The contractions – any contraction – does massage the baby, so that’s a pro.  Also, these could be considered a vigorous workout for the uterus, helping it prepare for the rigors of labor.  If anything, it’s a good opportunity for me to break out all that I’ve learned for relaxing, massaging and calming my pregnant wife.  And it’s a story to tell, I guess.
  • Drug Reaction, Seriously?:  So, call it an overly sedimentary lifestyle, genetics, or poor food alternatives, but this Rookie Dad, like many others, has to take medication to regulate his cholesterol.  I take a drug called Simcor.  Well last Monday I woke up, realized I had forgotten to take the Simcor and went ahead and took my dose.  Then come bedtime I took another dose.  My intervals are usually about 22 hours or so, give or take.  This day though, it was more like 13 hours.  It could have been the two doses so close, or that I didn’t take an aspirin to minimize the side effects of the drug, but I woke up at 4AM with what felt like the worst sunburn imaginable – but it was everywhere.  My scalp, my ears, my face, my chest, my back, the tops of my feet, my hands, my neck – all felt like they were on fire.  So I immediately got into the shower and started dousing my skin with cold water.  That’s the last thing I remember.  Heather woke up to find me half in and half out of the shower, mumbling and twitching and completely unresponsive.  10min later, 911 EMT’s and firemen were taking my vitals and trying to get me from unresponsive… to slurred speech… to responsive.  I was carried to the ambulence on a stretcher, admitted at the emergency room, and all the while was completely freaked out that this stressful event would send Heather into labor.  A good couple hours later, I was told that it was most likely the niacin in the Simcor, and that it was a bad drug reaction.  I was discharged and we went home.
    • CONS: Um, $200 copay.  Had firemen and EMTs looking at me in my birthday suit.  The bp pads placed on my limbs ripped hair out when I finally was able to take them off -ouch.  I had to take a day of vacation so close to Heather’s due-date.  Scared the hell out of Heather who cried for days after the event.
    • PROS:  Well, I guess the only one I can think of is that it definitely showed that the baby is staying put until she’s ready to come out.  The up-side to this whole shower-scare is that it didn’t trigger labor, and if that kind of thing didn’t trigger labor, I’m thinking I can worry much less about stress kicking starting a premature entrance of our baby girl.

So that’s about it.  Plenty though, right?  Now, we’re 6 days from her 40 week due date and we’re on baby watch, sticking close to home, and doing some take-it-easy final nesting.  Whew!  An eventful couple of months!  No worries, folks.  RookieDad Sean hasn’t given up blogging.  Just delayed a touch.  I have plenty to share in the hopper so check back often.  Also, please register as a user so I can send you an invite for our email update list.

Happy holidays!

RookieDad Sean.

Hi folks.  It’s been a crazy few weeks, which I’m sure I’ll elaborate on in a subsequent post.  In the meantime, my lovely bride is now full-term and I have a revised Hospital Pack List for you.  My previous post and suggestions stand true, but I’ve edited the list a touch to allow you fellow RookieDads a more useable check list – replete with items broken down per bag, and with some great and important new additions.  Check it out here!

So I’m going to relay my experience at my very first birth class. Heather and I decided to go the Bradley Method route. For those of you not familiar with the Bradley method, it’s one part prepping mommy’s body for an optimal natural childbirth, one part good nutrition for a full term, healthy labor, and one part husband coached birth. In short it’s everything a hyper-involved rookieDad with a granola chaser would want out of a birth class. (Learn more about the Bradley Method here.)

This is not an educational anecdote per se. Nooo. I wish it was. I think the only lesson here is: don’t become a caffeine junkie and then try to quit weeks before your first class, when your goal is a good showing and exuding the persona of a loving and supportive partner.

Here’s how it went down….

We arrived at a local medical center offering the class. All the good Bradley Method classes are typically conducted in the homes of the coaches and led by a couple – a husband and a former mother who are certified in the Bradley Method. In my area, this local medical center started offering the classes for like $30, so it basically put the good, classic offerings out of business.  I state this because had this been offered in someone’s home, where maybe it wouldn’t be awkward to excuse oneself, or get some sort of refreshment, maybe I could have avoided the embarrassment.

Earlier that day I was slammed at work. I keep a stash of Slimfast in my mini-fridge at work to be sure to have some sort of sustenance, regardless of how meager, to tide me over if I need to work through lunch. It didn’t help that I skipped breakfast because I was running late to work. I don’t know if my lack of food was a contributing factor to what was to come, but I list it here just in case.

Now on top of a fasting diet of slimfast, I decided that today – today I was going to do the chivalrous thing and ween myself off of caffeine. I had done well to avoid cigars and alcohol – the big vices that Heather certainly couldn’t partake of (not that she’d smoke a cigar, but I’m just saying). The one thing I couldn’t drop up to this point, though, was caffeine. Maybe it’s a career in Web, but getting jacked up on caffeine and working late nights just seems to come with the territory. So that day, I brought my lovely water bottle and decided to forgo the coffee and Diet Coke for a far less stimulating or appetizing H2O.

I did alright all the way up to the 6:30P class. As a matter of fact, I playfully chit-chatted and joked with my wife all the way to the hospital’s education center. But somewhere between the elevator ride, the goofy icebreakers and the sitting on pillows, something changed in my physiology. I can only assume it was the lack of my usual oil tanker load of caffeine I typically have by that time in the evening, but suddenly the temperature skyrocketed. I started sweating – profusely. I hadn’t changed since work, so I was still wearing a modestly conservative buttonup and sweatervest. Upon first break, off went the sweatervest and undershirt, and the button-up unbuttoned to reveal a healthy portion of my bare chest. I went back to my seat on the floor with a sweatervest and white undershirt in my hands and growing sweat rings under the arms of my button-up.

At this point, Heather was eating a snack she brought along of almonds and dried edamame, trying to not to stare at my ridiculous sweating. Away went my ego and out came my id. Looking for anything to stem my discomfort, I asked for some of her snack. She turned away to look in her book for just a moment or two, and I had consumed all but an almond and some wispy remains of the dried edamame. I swear I barely remember it, but I had consumed nearly everything in her little to-go snack-pack.  To add to the shock and embarassment, I spent the endless minutes until the next break blotting my sweaty forehead and face – alternating between a noisy, crinkly bathroom paper towel and my undershirt. A glance around the room told Heather that her husband A) was the only one evidencing these traumatic physical manifestations, and B) was a freak.

As our instructor continued (in a painstakingly slow thoroughness) to read some obvious terms that someone who lived under the rock would know, I – usually a very attentive, excellent even, student – slowly, painfully started nodding off. I pinched my hand, Heather pinched me, and I propped my head up in my hands, straining to keep my eyes open; but alas, it was too much effort and for the remaining 20 minutes of the lesson until breaktime,  it was a war of will – my will against my body, Heather’s will against my body, my body against a lack of caffeine. Shit. It was pathetic.

Thankfully, our instructor called for another break, at which point I shook myself awake and stood up, glistening with sweat and ruddy from the effort of my attempts to stay conscious. With all the grace of an intoxicated one-legged donkey, I strolled over to the instructor, chuckled that tonight was a bad night to ween myself off of caffeine, and asked her where the vending machines were. An elevator ride and somewhat refreshing walk later, and I was standing in front of an oasis of caffeine, chocolate and candy. I wasn’t even that hungry, but I purchased a pack of cheese crackers, a 20oz. Mountain Dew, a pack of Skittles, a Snickers bar, and a pack of M&M’s. The Snickers was gone by the time I had reached the elevator, as was a third of the Mountain Dew. To further add to my poor wife’s embarrassment, I returned to the classroom to yet another poorly made and outdated video of women giving birth, where I distracted the entire class during the video with the crickle and crunch of my slow and steady consumption of every bit of junk food I had just purchased.

Amazingly, by the end of clas I was myself again, but dear Lord – what a piss-poor showing at my first birth class with Heather. In recounting the tale, she laughed so hard this evening that she was in near hysterics. Thank God she has a great sense of humor. Meanwhile back at the ranch, I think it’ll be a while before me and Diet Coke part ways. I never knew you could get DTs from going off caffeine.

Moral of the story: If you are tragically jacked up on caffeine 7 days out of the week, don’t choose the first night of husband-coached-birth class to quit caffeine.  You’ll turn into a sweaty, hungry, sleepy slob, and no one wants a birth coach like that.

-RookieDad Sean

So here’s a short post.  I wanted to clue in newbie dads to a couple awesome sites for new or soon-to-be dads.  First one is fairly out there – not meaning weird but rather popular, so you may have already heard of it: www.dadlabs.com.  It’s a great site for dads by dads.  Lots of videos, an online television series, many articles and much great content.  I especially like this site because it’s not just one guy trying to be the be-all-end-all, but rather a host of folks in our shoes.  I know the irony is that so far, all you’ve heard from is me on this blog.  Trust me, I’ve got other voices doing the “me-me-me” getting warmed up for some posts, but lately since I’m hosting the thing, I’m the one you get for now.  Believe me, though: I in no way profess to be an expert dad.  Hell, I’m a newbie just like the rest of you.  All I’m doing is spreading the word about the stuff I’m learning as I go along. ….. Awkward.  Alright, let’s move on…

Number two: www.dadsadventure.com.  I came across this site after hearing a RN at me and my wife’s Birth and Baby class reference a daddy bootcamp resource guide.  This site is the accompanying work.  So granted, it’s one guy professing to be an expert.  And yes, he is exerting his capitalistic right to make a buck off of you while trying to help you, but I have to admit: there’s good content there.  My favorite type too – anecdotal lessons and lots of checklists.  Maybe we’re hardwired to appreciate a honey-do list, but God help me, I love a checklist.  This has got everything from a hospital kit checklist (though I think the one I compiled on this site is better and more comprehensive), pre-labor signs, when to go to the hospital, and lots of stuff post-delivery.  Like I said –  good content, and its free if you don’t get snookered into purchasing a magazine subscription from the guy.

At any rate, check these two sites out.  Good resources for you and me.

Best,

RookieDad Sean

If you haven’t had the opportunity to check out Part 1 of this Prepping for Baby series on the hospital kit, click here to check it out.  Part 2 of this series is all about the nursery.  Some of what I’ll put in here is no-brainer stuff, and nearly all is from resources outside myself.  Before delving in, I have to cite three books that are excellent guides for RookieDads:

• The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an Expectant Father (ISBN 978-1-59257-224-3),
• Your Pregnancy for the father-to-be, 2nd ed. (ISBN 978-0-7382-1275-3),
• and lastly The Modern Girl’s Guide to Motherhood (ISBN 978-0-06-088534-2).

Regarding this last one, I’m so not above reading a book written for women.  Honestly, I’m using What to Expect… as a mousepad right now and have damn-near read thing cover to cover.  This Modern Girls’s guide is awesome.  Excellent, concrete advice for parents.  I don’t believe there’s a “Modern Guy’s Guide to Fatherhood” but if anyone wants to co-author it with me, I’m game.  That said, these books I rely on heavily in the lists and info below, along with Fit Pregnancy magazine; and of course I rely on the folks who’ve been there.  I can say without any cheekiness that literally nothing other than my random attempts at wit can I call my own thoughts.  Everything below is due to these sources.  The only value I add is aggregating the best of these resources for you into an easy-to-use list, and what results – I hope – is a omprehensive checklist to get you organized and in the right direction for prepping, setting up and stocking the baby’s room, starting with the crib.

So let’s start with the basics:

So your basic concerns here are: can the baby rest in the thing? and can the baby not hurt itself while in there?  With that in mind,

• Entanglement/Suffocation:
  • Current laws dictate that slats can be no more than 2 1/8″ apart.  The number isn’t arbitrary.  The Consumer Products Safety Commission which governs crib guidelines established this value based upon field tests, case studies, amd statistical and empirical data.  Anything wider than two and an eighth inches poses an entanglement risk.  What does that mean in common terms?  Your baby can trap her head or limbs between the slats, and just like a poorly executed Steven Segal movie – crack goes an arm.  Or worse, your precious little one can suffocate with it’s head stuck.  I’d say of all items related to the child, do not play around with cribs and car seats.  These are highly regulated, so make sure that if you get a used crib, it adheres to the most current CPSC safety guidelines.  You can access the latest list here.
  • It probably doesn’t need to be said, but the slats should be vertical, not horizontal.
  • Another suffocation risk can be posed by the mattress.  Be sure that the mattress fits securely.
  • Another consideration is crib posts.  Many older crib models have posts that are higher than the crib rail.  Remember how Superman used to hang up villians by their shirts on a flag pole.  Same thing can happen with your little one.  This is a strangulation risk, so either cut off the posts or toss the crib and get a new one.
• SIDS risk:  SIDS – or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome – is very real.  You may know someone or at least someone who knows someone that this may have happened to.  Me?  I had a family member experience this excruciating loss.  I truly can’t imagine what that must feel like, and I pray I never, EVER experience it myself.  You can do some things to ensure you minimize the risk of SIDS with your child.
  • Get a firm mattress.  Some of the latest research indicates that firm mattresses reduce the risk of this God-awful thing.
  • Also, be sure to take everything bulky out of the crib.  Some of the latest research says to not include ANYTHING in the crib other than the baby and a sleepsack or onesie.  Toys, quilts, bumpers, and even less than extremely snug sheets – all of these can pose a risk for SIDS.  Remember everything should be military snug.  Consider that the only way to be sure you are safe(er).
  • For later, when the child can roll over on their own, bumpers can be a way to minimize boo-boos from night-time thrashing.  That said, the bumper should be soft but not too thick and should attach to the crib’s slats in at least 6 places so that it is snugly arranged arounfd the lower permieter of the crib.
• Fall/Collapse Hazard:  So some obvious stuff here – make sure all hardward is present, the bolts/screws don’t free-turn in their holes, wood joints are tightly joined, mattress has a good support (will probably resemble spring Army barracks mattress supports) and that the supoprt hangers attach securely to the hooks on each on the posts, the crib once assembled is sturdy, strong, and stable.  If can rock back and forth like a see-saw, breakdown the crib, take it to the backyard, and set it on fire.  Odds are if everything is bolted together and it still isn’t 100% stable, then it isn’t safe for any baby and should be kindling or termite food only.
• Sleeping Position:  Babies should sleep on their backs until they can roll over on their own.  Honestly they should sleep on their backs regardless of whether they can roll over.  This is SIDS prevention 101.  You can use a crib wedge while the baby is very young to keep the litle one from turning over onto their belly
• Baby On the Move:  Your crib should have adjustable rails so that when the little one gets off her belly and onto her little legs, she can’t climb out of their crib.
• Sheets 101:  You should cover the mattress with a fitted mattress pad, then a fitted sheet (again keyword here is snug), and then a lap pad or piddle pad (to facilitate night-time changing – much easier to do according to the Modern Girl’s Guide).  The latest Fit Pregnancy (Sept. 2009) also provides an interesting tip from a mother of multiples.  One mother of twins suggests that you consider layering sheets and pads to make changes extremely quick and easy; that you should use a mattress pad, then a waterproof pad, then a sheet, then a waterproof pad, then a sheet, then a lap or piddle pad.  If the top sheet gets soiled pull off the top layers and then you a re good to go with fresh sheet right below it.  I would say use your best judgement here.  The extra bulk in precautionary bedding can increase the potential risk to the child just as an ill-fitting sheet can.  I’ll be going the slightly more inconvenient route of changing to new sheets when she has an “accident” and give myself some piece of mind around the suffocation risks posed by too-soft or ill-fitted bedding.

I’ve read many times that during the first few weeks a baby could be just as comfy in a dresser drawer as in the most premo crib.  Leaving you this evening on that thought, remember:

Safety first, aesthetics second.   Convenience matters less than your child’s well-being.  When in doubt, consult the authorities (e.g. the CPSC).  And make sure you cover your bases on the crib that way you can rest easy and your baby can too.

Sweet dreams,

RookieDad Sean

-Look for the next segment of Prepping for Baby when we discuss other nursery topics, knowing when to head to the hospital and more.  Until then….

“I don’t see women as sexual beings anymore. When I see a vagina, seriously all I want to do is powder it. I just don’t want them to get rashes. There is nothing arousing about it. When my wife is naked in front of me I think, ‘Should I get a diaper?’”
-Adam Sandler on having a daughter during an interview on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien

So you found out you are having a girl? What do you do now?

I don’t want to overgeneralize here for the evolved metrosexual men out there (funny side-bar: my VP who will soon be a mommy herself calls this type of guy a “SNAG” – a Sensitive New-Age Guy), but the truth is most of us spend our lives getting comfortable in our own skin. It’s natural that we spend far more time internalizing and growing into our gender and the rituals, sterotypes, stigmas and unspoken social nuances of our kind than we do even fathoming all that our anatomical counterparts do to reach the same point within their own gender.

This assumes that you want to be an involved father, and therefore want to know about your baby and help her along as much possible. The catch is that you’ve spent a lifetime thus far getting used to and understanding what comes with being a guy, and now you have approximately 4.5 months from the typical 18-week gender announcement to pack into your skull as much understanding and preparation as you can possibly get about the female existence.

I wish I could be the prophet for our kind and drop pearls of wisdom on you to successfully navigate the waters of High School Musical, Barbie & Brat dolls, Disney Princess, and Hannah Montana. The truth is, I am as much a RookieDad as you are, and the musings that I gush on an intermittent basis are as much self-discovery and record-keeping as they are advice. That said, after some conversations with new and seasoned fathers of girls, topped with a dash of soul-searching, visualization and what I hope is insight, I feel slightly more mentally prepared for the joy and anguish of being a daddy to a little princess.

I guess I’ll start with the first thing I’ve done some thinking about. Not the most P.C. place to start, but an obvious disconnect for us guys is…

1. Girl Parts

When you grow up a boy, spend your summers at Boy Scout camp, and do all things boyish, you tend to develop a mindset around girl plumbing that sticks with you. I’m trying to tiptoe around this as best as I can for delicate ears and family and friends, so without being too explicit here, the whole va-jay-jay area is a conundrum. I mean the anatomical differentiators on women tend to hold a sense of mystery and allure for most guys for the majority of our lives. So how does a guy rectify this previous and perfectly comfortable perspective with the new lord-am-I-really-supposed-to-be-wiping-and-changing-that-thing? perspective. I’m on an Adam Sandler kick, so it’s like he says in his movie Big Daddy:

Julian: “Why do I have to wear a bathing suit in the bathtub?”
Sonny: “I don’t know the rules around kids and being naked; just sit down and shut up…”

I guess I have to reference a natural adjustment you may be experiencing – I know I am. So mommies get the nesting and maternal instinct kick-started once they become preggers. But we men start evidencing our evolutionary ingraining with the demonstration of protective behaviors. As simple as keeping a more wary eye on hooligans in the grocery store parking lot (happened this evening), to throwing a shoulder when walking down a crowded street to prevent someone from bumping into your wife and her precious cargo. This (I’ve been told and imagine to be true) escalates and overrides your previous feelings about girl parts in general. If you don’t jump in there and wipe her parts front-to-back well, your baby girl will be in extreme discomfort either from sitting in a dirty diaper or developing an infection from her poo. She could develop a rash on her bum. I hear tell that when she cries, your heart breaks just a little for every whimper and tear that falls. If that’s true, I’ll bet we can get over the confusion about what to do with her girl parts pretty damn quick. And if you’re the asshole who thinks, “Hell with that, babies are the woman’s department,” then stop reading and leave – this blog is for myself and others that actually care about being a good husband and father.

Another helpful thought… I like the science behind things.  Rightly or wrongly, it helps me rectify stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable.   So scientifically speaking, those girl parts are because of you.  I’m not talking touchy-feely philosophy. It’s science. Your wife contributes the X chromosome, you contribute the sex chromosome – either a Y for boys or an X for girls. So, scientifically speaking, those girls parts are there specifically because of you. There is nothing unnatural or weird about taking care of your child’s ya-ya until they can do it themselves, and with the mindset that the little wiggle-worm is gentically ½ you, you have more than just the right, but indeed the obligation to take care of it.  That naturally means dealing with her parts when she’s a baby.

So that’s my philosophy on girl parts.  Now to #2.  When others have a less innocent interest in her girl parts…

2. Dating
OK, so now we’ve broken the anatomy barrier and made the mental shift to not be weirded out by the fact that she’s going to have plumbing that you are going to have to wipe, powder and diaper. Now, you and I have to come to terms with the fact that you and maybe your male family members are the only ones of your gender who are going to see her plumbing in such an innocent light. I’m gritting my teeth right now as my protective instincts are kicking in.

I know there will come a time when dating will enter the picture.  We will have to find the balance between maintaining our God-given right to be protective over our fold with the fact that we have to let our babies grow socially. I am no way extolling any philosophy about condoning premarital intercourse, but the dating issue speaks to a much greater mental prep that spans gender and falls into an uber category called developmental milestones. You know – rolling over, pinching, holding her head up, spacial awareness, math, writing, speech, etiquette…  For every age there are aspects of learning and social integration that help your child interact in society and grow as a human being intellectually, physically, and emotionally. Dating, though it pains me to admit it, is a milestone and marks the beginning of recognition of her social and anatomical difference from males, and attraction for the opposite (or same – not being biased here) sex that naturally comes with puberty and growing up.

Evenso, I believe you may recall locker room conversations and the rampaging hormones that you might have experienced as an adolescent, teenager, and young adult. Frankly, some of these conversations or thoughts could have made Larry Flynt blush – don’t deny it because you know it’s true.  So how do you allow your daughter to naturally embark on this developmental milestone with the knowledge and experience you had as a guy who at one point went through puberty? You’ve heard: “guys only think about one thing!”  While that’s an overgenarlization – probably — it still is a part of social and physical development and we’re going to have to cross this bridge, fellas.

So here’s where the mental preparation comes in.

Mantra’s work. Ask Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins or any other motivational speaker. Idealism through repetition is an effective form of positive visualization. So here’s what I suggest you do: devise a mantra that helps you reasonably accept the situation without relinquishing your protectiveness or your values. Base the mantra on your goal to trust that you have reared your child to be responsible and sensible, that you trust her to be smart and safe in her choices, and that you know that this dating situation is a natural part of her growing up and is something that must occur before your daughter can ever fully come into her own.

Now, I’m not saying that when her date walks in I won’t exude the persona of a pissed-off Silverback gorilla while I clean a baseball bat – hell, I’m a guy and that’s my daughter. Heck, maybe I can get in a few minutes of scaring the crap out of the boy so that his hormones take a back seat to the consequences of taking advantage of my baby girl… I’m sorry but I’m human.  That said, I think ultimately my successfulness in this arena will boil down to the life lessons and trust I build with my daughter well before dating ever comes up.  I think open-communication and trust will be key to our comfort as we find ourselves in the midst of our daughter’s dating.

So aside from what and how we’ll deal with it when she finally does date, we need to examine what lessons we want to teach our daughter about love, respect, sex and safety, and above all demonstrate what a good man is by being a really positive male figure as her father and as her mommy’s husband.  If we show her the type of guy she should look for in a partner by exhibiting love, compassion, friendship, kindness, respect, and care for her mother, then the punks that I’m scared about hopefully won’t ever receive her attention.

Being a good dad and husband are key to her successfully navigating the dating waters because by the time she’s dating, the opportunity for those types of lessons is long gone.  When all else fails, recite your mantra, cross your fingers, keep the baseball bat nearby, and hope like hell.

3. Girl Toys and Girl Hobbies

So what do you know about girl scouts other than Thin Mints? Ever had a tea party with stuffed animals, or played dress-up replete with all the accoutrements? How about cheerleading? Dance? What about shopping – you aren’t a fish out water in the girl’s section at Macy’s right? No?

Guess what? Me neither. I spent my childhood with Transformers, G.I. Joe, building forts, playing in the creek, fighting with other boys, playing baseball, etc.  I don’t know anything about this stuff.  She wants to talk about the Yankees line-up this year? I can do that.  She wants to talk about the Panther’s prospects for ever making it back to the Super Bowl?  I can do that too.  She wants to bait a hook or use a mitre saw?  I can do that no problem.  But, if she wants to have me paint her toes or play Barbie?  That’s not as easy.

I can’t expect to build a relationship of trust and love with my daughter and not jump right in with playing with her.  I think this is where we put on our creative hats.  As in the previous section, I think visualization is helpful.  So what I’m doing in preparation is trying to visualize the joy my daughter will have in daddy sipping tea with her Fiona stuffed animal.  Or trying to mimic mall gossip while play-walking a Barbie doll across the carpet.  Or clapping exuberantly as she sings, dances, or cheerleads.

As a side note, please don’t think I’m relegating my daughter to stereotypical girlie things. If she wanted to hit the garage and learn about power tools, I’m am sooo game.  But, assuming her favorite activities are not quite as familiar to you, I try to keep in mind that her happiness and growth, relationships with the opposite sex, and her overall well-adjustedness will stem a great deal from her relationship with her father.  So damnit, game face, bro.  Even if that game face is shrowded by a bonnet while sipping imaginary tea.

4.  Other Stuff

Now, I realize dating, girl parts, and girlie toys and hobbies are just the tip of the iceburg.  Somewhere in there will come her first heartbreak.  Makeup.  Her first period.  Boobs and training bras.  And frankly stuff I haven’t or won’t even think about.  The truth is I’m not sure we can ever be prepared for this.  But, I’m counting on my dad’s principles of openness, honesty, and love for my mom and my sisters to work for me as well with my daughter.  I’ve never doubted my father as a good man, a great husband, and a model father.  My sisters and I turned out just fine.  So I leave you with what I’m banking on: openness, honesty and love.  And for everything else?  Go with the hope-like-hell-and-baseball-bat technique.

-RookieDad Sean

Friends, I’m back from a short hiatus where I was busy researching and registering, and enjoying the news that my amorphous, asexual kidney bean in week 5 will be coming out a baby girl in week 38.  Now I’ve got tons of research, advice, and tips to share including a big responsibility for husbands – the hospital kit.   Based on advice from several books, blogs, and sites, I’ve compiled a list you can use to pack that bag well before your due date (highly advisable if your baby comes early) and have it ready to go for the big event.

In no specific order:

• Cosmetic Bag with:
  • Hair band – No, not a circa 80’s rock group.  Sweaty hair in your wife’s face while she’s pushing – giving it all she’s got captain (said like a portly Scottsman) - will quickly frustrate and aggravate her - this helps alleviate some of that.
  • Lip gloss or balm – Your wife – regardless of C-section or natural, length of labor, or size (or number) of baby – will through sweat and the natural birthing process, lose an immense amount of body water.  In short, she’s going to become dehydrated.  Aside from putting the attending nurse on speed-dial to keep ice chips readily on hand for your precious wife to suck on, your honey-girl is going to find her lips extremely dry and most likely chapped.  This is a thoughtful addition to the cosmetic bag that will help with that.
  • Toothbrush and toothpaste – Sure, you can most likely buy this at an extremely ridiculous mark-up from the hospital, but you can save money and guarantee the toothpaste flavor she’ll like by bringing hers.  Have this ready to go by getting an extra toothbrush and a travel tube of her favorite toothpaste and going ahead and packing it now.
  • Moist facial wipes – She’ll appreciate it after sweating through labor and not having the energy to get up and wash her face.
  • Face soap, lotion, shampoo, hairbrush and make-up – She will have the energy to bathe eventually (and will find it very refreshing).  In addition, you will invariably have visitors.  At the very least, she’ll want to look and smell presentable when you both leave the hospital with the baby.  So pack travel versions of this as well as any extra make-up essentials – she can guide you on this.
  • Stool softeners- Yep.  She’ll be constipated – it happens to a very large percentage of women after delivering a baby.  Help her out and get her some of these – Colace is a safe and recommended brand for the new mama.
  • Pain medicine for her take afterwards- She completed a marathon labor pushing something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon.  Even if she gritted her teeth and did it au naturale, the no-drugs, straight-edge mentality doesn’t have to persist after she’s given birth.  She’ll be very sore.  Make sure you have some Extra-strength Tylenol or something comparable for her.
  • Hemorrhoid wipes/cream- Much like constipation, most new mothers will experience hemorrhoids due to both the consistency of their stool and the amount of pushing they do.  These will help her out.  Hedge your bets by going ahead and getting this for her just in case.
  • Enema to take prior to giving birth – A not-well-publicized fact is that many women end up pushing out more than a baby while on the delivery room table.  She’ll be pushing hard; I mean hard.  If she’s got anything in her bowels, it’ll come out.  If you are videotaping the delivery, or even if she’s easily embarrassed, you may have her take this to clean her out before the time for pushing starts.  One decent tasting and 100% medically safe means of accomplishing the same thing is mixing prune juice with another fruit juice like pear juice.  It’s mildly palatable according to Modern Mother’s Guide and does the trick.
  • Small Spray Bottle – I mentioned she’s going to be dehydrated.  When that happens, urine becomes highly concentrated.  With the typical tearing that occurs with giving birth, urination under these circumstances can be very painful.  Dilute her first urination post birth by filling a small spray bottle with water and have her spray her girl parts when she pees.  It’ll reduce the burn that’s caused by the concentrated uric acid.
  • A nursing bra, Lansinoh cream and Soothies – She’s going to find that all sorts of discomforts can accompany breastfeeding.  Pack some of these to help her out.
• Sock/Slippers – The hospital won’t be providing these and she’ll want them to shuffle to the bathroom as well as keep her feet warm.
• Distractions- You know best what these are – but keep them to a packable size.  Bringing the PlayStation along to the hospital isn’t the most sensible choice.  Try Sudoku puzzles, an iPod, magazines – the sensationalist trashy kind, a laptop to surf the web as well as play DVDs, and clearly any DVDs you might want to bring along.  Me?  I’ll be bringing Baby Mama and Knocked Up- two of my wife’s favorite Judd Apetow films.
• Ipod and Speakers- This is both for after delivery as well as during labor.  A great activity for the weeks before your baby is due is to put together a playlist with your wife for the delivery room.
• Camera/Video Camera – You’ll want to capture these moments.  So will she.
• Toss-away nightgown – She may be fine with using the hospital-provided gown, but having her own nightgown might be a comfort for your wife.  Keep in mind that if she’s wearing it on the delivery room table, she won’t want to take it home with her.  It will be a complete mess and should be thrown away.  Ask your wife if this is something she wants to do, and if so find out her favorite brand and get one for her.  Be sure to get it decently long, soft and roomy.
• Stopwatch – OK, so this is more for you than it is her.  Go by your local sporting goods store and pick up a stopwatch.  Or if you’d rather, a watch with a second-hand will suffice.  You’ll need this to time contractions.  Just think, though – you can use it for helping train your little track or football star when he or she gets older.
• Granny-panties – After the trauma and effort of labor and delivery, the most comfortable thing for her bottom and girl parts are some big, comfy granny-panties.  When she puts them on, she’ll love you for bringing them.  Bring about 5 pairs to cover your hospital stay.
• Cell phone, battery charger, and address book- Included in this is a pre-labor exercise for you two at around week 25 or 30.  You and your wife need to sit down and discuss who (and in what order) will need to be called to inform them of either the fact that you’ve gone into labor, or you’ve just had your baby.  Getting this down ahead of time will ensure that you don’t stress over it when the time comes, and that no one is left out or feels slighted.
• Special treat/snacks for after delivery – For my little lady, it’ll be Cheetos, Chips Ahoy (the good kind), Kit Kats, and M&Ms.  Though, I know she’s going to want sushi for her first post-delivery meal.
• Your own pillow(s) for after delivery – You may be able to tour the hospital and facilities prior to giving birth – maybe in conjunction with a birthing class, but I’m going to guess that lying on the hospital beds isn’t part of the tour.  Many hospitals have historically gone the sanitary-easy-to-clean-but-feels-like-sleeping-on-a-marble-slab pillows for their patients.  Rest assured that your wife will thank you and rest more easily with her own pillow or pillows.  Bring them in the car and then run out for them after your wife delivers and she’s settled into the hospital room.
• Clean nightgown or PJs for after delivery- Remember that the nightgown she wears during delivery will be tossed afterwards.  Bring some clean PJs for her to change into - maybe a cotton nightgown or some cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt.  Want to get the award for sappy husband of the year (I’m a contender for the award, most definitely)?  Buy her some very special PJs just for the occasion.  Maybe ones that have babies on them, or are pink or blue…
• Heavy-flow Maxipads – There will be discharge that would fall into the heavy category after your wife delivers the baby.  Have these packed for this.
• Going-home-outfit for the baby – This should A) be cute, just because; and B) include a hat, socks, and a receiving blanket.
• Going-home-outfit for your wife – We’re talking clothes for comfort not style.  Get some guidance from her on this.
• Going-home-shoes for your wife – Flat, slip-on shoes will be the most comfortable for your wife.  Flops are always a good option.
• Car Seat – This should meet the minimum current federal requirements, be installed correctly (be sure on this), and be ready and installed for when you leave with the baby.  Just a heads-up, you can’t take the baby home unless it meets the criteria just stated, so make sure you get this one done perfectly.
• Cash - Especially $1’s.  There will be vending machines relatively close to your hospital room.  You’ll want to have small dollar currency to be able to get your wife the pack of Nabs or yourself that Coke during your stay.  Go ahead and bring a good $20 or so dollars in $1 dollar bills.  Odd are that a single vending machine item will be ridiculously expensive.  If you are a frugal father, considering picking up sodas from the grocery store and having those available to bring in after the baby is born.  If I know my wife, she’ll want a cold Diet Coke over ice, and my guess is that they’ll be a heck of a lot cheaper at your local grocery store than in the vending machines at the hospital.
• Clothes and distractions for you:
  • Comfortable shoes
  • 2 changes of clothes.
  • A bathing suit (if you have a water birth or want to shower with your wife without being the scandalous couple at the hospital)
  • Toiletries (i.e. deodorant, your own toothbrush, etc.)
  • Powder or lotion for massaging your lady during labor (you’ll learn about this during your birthing classes…you are taking those, correct?)
  • Tennis ball (this is awesome for lower back massages which you’ll want to give your wife during labor)
  • A handkerchief (to cry into when she screams emasculating remarks at you during delivery) – just kidding,…sort of.

If necessary you can always make a run home for more stuff, but if you stay in the room with her, you may wish you had these things.  In addition, be sure to bring distractions for you.  Your wife will be in an exhaustion-induced sleep, and you will be in an adrenalin-induced state of bouncing off the walls.  Keep yourself entertained by bringing along a book, a journal, a laptop, or a crossword puzzle.

Download a checklist that you can use here. (39.9kb, PDF)

Good luck, RookieDads!

RookieDad Sean

Whether ’tis nobler to gender-ify the remaining 22 weeks of pregnancy or not…  I don’t think there’s a right answer.

A woman I work with – an ops kinda girl – said that despite her clear aura of process-planning-neonazism, she decided to wait to find out with her husband.  Her reply to the question of “why?” was unfortunately trite, saying with her typical grimace that she “was planning for the fact that you can’t plan anything for a baby.”  I guess I should congratulate her for her foresight and broad, albeit pessimistic view of parenthood, but I simply can’t give this woman the benefit of the doubt.

The truth is I find it hard to throw caution to the wind and be a take-it-as-it-comes kind of guy, at least when it comes to this prenancy and parenthood thing.  Call it the Boy Scout in me (“Be Prepared!” still rings in my ears), but I want to have the right clothes, a nursery decked to the nines, advice from parents with like-gendered children, and as much knowledge as I can possibly have about that baby well BEFORE it gets here, so that instead of having to hurry to get my ass in gear with what the baby needs, I can enjoy a paternity leave focused solely on getting to know and loving on my little one.

Now, there are some who want to do it all for their child as well, and are plenty prepared, but are more conservative or more whimsical with the gender issue.  Folks that are as level-headed as it gets, but want to bathe in every surprising joy of parenthood – and that includes being surprised about the gender.  I think that’s great.  For many people this is an exciting gift that mom and dad can share together.  I’ve known some who have had the ultrasound tech write the gender on a card and seal it in an envelope.  The couple then opens it at a later date.  A boss of mine opened the envelope with his wife on Christmas – making it a one-of-a-kind gift.

I think it boils down to preference.  There are certainly pros and cons to both approaches.  I think that individuals who are deeply conservative or largely eccentric are prone to the surprise-method, while the more liberal and urban parents tend to prep for their child by finding out the gender so that can get that Peg Perego car seat in pink if the gender so lends itself.  Again, no wrong way here and regionality could certainly play into it – just noting observations from a southern Carolina RookieDad.

Ultimately, come to the decision as a couple, weigh the pros and cons and get excited about it – if you do that, you can’t go wrong.  Whether you prolong the excitement or jump right in – that’s up to you and your bride.  This RookieDad found out…and there will be pink in my future and the dreaded hell of having dufus, hormonal pre-pubescent boys trying to date my little girl.  I’ll just need to perfect my deadpan-face-conversing-in-aggressive-grunts-while-cleaning-a-shotgun routine.  Wish me luck.  And good luck to you!  Whether it’s a boy or girl, and whether you find out or not, it’ll be a hell of a ride and an exciting time regardless - something you’ll want to soak in as much as possible.  Enjoy, RookieDads.  I know I am…

-RookieDad Sean